God saw you getting tired
And a cure was not to be
So He put His arms around you
And whispered "Come to me."
With tearful eyes we watched you
As you slowly slipped away.
And though we loved you dearly
we could not make you stay.
Your golden heart stopped beating
Your tired mind and body put to rest
God broke our hearts to prove to us
He only takes the best.
(This was my Dad's last passport picture before he passed away
~ kept a copy in my wallet so I can look at it whenever I miss him...)
~ kept a copy in my wallet so I can look at it whenever I miss him...)
"Love you, Dad. I miss you so much, Daddy...!
I'll never forget you!" ♥
Today, Sunday, June 17, 2012, is Father's Day and I am remembering my Dad.
There is still a void in my life that not even time has filled, the way the void left by a giant tree that has been uprooted stays hollow.
I try to shovel beautiful memories into the void in an attempt to fill it up.
But even those are not enough to replace the man around whom those memories are spun.
I try to shovel beautiful memories into the void in an attempt to fill it up.
But even those are not enough to replace the man around whom those memories are spun.
Dad was really the "wind beneath my wings" ~ the 'solid wall' I leaned on till my siblings and I were adults.
Because of the tough love he showered us with, he was a metaphor for strength: he was Hercules, he was Braveheart.
Because of the tough love he showered us with, he was a metaphor for strength: he was Hercules, he was Braveheart.
Dad raised us to believe that we could be who we dreamt to be.
I miss my Dad...
Though he was strict with us, an immovable force, till we were young adults, my memories of my Dad are sweet like cotton candy.
I miss the smell of his pomade, his singing and playing the piano (especially during family gatherings)...
I especially miss his being very supportive.
He was not only a good provider, he was also loving and caring.
I will always miss those times he would come home from his Manila trips when he had court hearings there.
I remember him always bringing for us the famous Aristocrat chicken barbeque with sate rice (all six orders for the six of us: us four siblings, Mommy, and him!) and a long box of Goldilocks mocha roll ~ all hand-carried in the plane.
Those were magical times.
I always made it a point to go with the driver and be with my Mom or siblings to fetch him at the old airport.
I miss the smell of his pomade, his singing and playing the piano (especially during family gatherings)...
I especially miss his being very supportive.
He was not only a good provider, he was also loving and caring.
I will always miss those times he would come home from his Manila trips when he had court hearings there.
I remember him always bringing for us the famous Aristocrat chicken barbeque with sate rice (all six orders for the six of us: us four siblings, Mommy, and him!) and a long box of Goldilocks mocha roll ~ all hand-carried in the plane.
Those were magical times.
I always made it a point to go with the driver and be with my Mom or siblings to fetch him at the old airport.
For me, though, what I miss most ~ was the reassurance his presence gave me.
I remember joining a "Linggo Ng Wika" singing contest in St.Scho.(my school) and my eyes 'searching' for my dad in the audience...my heart was elated upon seeing his figure standing in a corner, wearing his long-sleeved Barong Tagalog (coming from a court hearing) with the usual cigarette in his hand.
Afterwards, I would practically 'fly' towards him, proudly showing my gold medal ~ first prize won.
His smile ~ 'reward' enough for me.
Yes, that was how much I loved my Dad.
And when he was hospitalized and I was taking care of him, I couldn't forget the fondness I would always see in his face, every time he looked at me and said "Salamat, bebushka" (Thank you, bebushka").
["Bebushka" was my Dad's 'pet name' for me.♥]
I treasured those moments.
In July '93, my Dad had a stroke and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I helped take care of him in the last two months of his illness...until he breathed his last.
Seared into my memory were my goodbyes.
The first in August '93.
The doctors had already told us the end was near, could be anytime.
I remembered slipping beside him in his hospital bed ~ hugging him, cuddling him.
I took his hand and raised it to my cheek and let my warm tears say goodbye, thank you, I will always love you.
I wasn't sure how long I would see him alive.
"Indi maghibi" (Don't cry"), he told me reassuringly.
Several weeks later, he had another stroke (it was what his neurosurgeon called "a stroke within a stroke").
And I knew it was again time to say goodbye.
In his hospital bed at the ICU, I held his face and told him (my heart breaking), "palangga ta ka, Dad" ("I love you, Dad"), "ahay ah, bayaan mo na kami" ("...and oh, you're leaving us already") holding back the tears, as I didn't want him to see me cry when he was at his weakest.
And I knew it was again time to say goodbye.
In his hospital bed at the ICU, I held his face and told him (my heart breaking), "palangga ta ka, Dad" ("I love you, Dad"), "ahay ah, bayaan mo na kami" ("...and oh, you're leaving us already") holding back the tears, as I didn't want him to see me cry when he was at his weakest.
And he answered me, "Don't cry anymore. It's okay, as long as your love and prayers are with me."
I told him, "Always, Dad, always."
Dad hang on but fell into a coma until he passed away in September '93 ~ just a month and two weeks before his 57th birthday.
Too young to die. :-(
We, his family, were very proud to know he was among those appointed as RTC (Regional Trial Court) Judge but sad to say, he was already very sick at the ICU when news of his appointment reached us.
We, his family, were very proud to know he was among those appointed as RTC (Regional Trial Court) Judge but sad to say, he was already very sick at the ICU when news of his appointment reached us.
I miss Daddy so much.
Time heals all wounds, they say...but for me, the pain of losing him will always be here in my heart.
DAD, I'll miss you today, this Father's Day.
I will celebrate your life and cherish your memory.
With smiles and laughter. (I'll try.)
Because, though there is a void in my life, I know you wouldn't want it to be filled with tears.
Happy Father's Day!
I love you always, always.
DAD, I'll miss you today, this Father's Day.
I will celebrate your life and cherish your memory.
With smiles and laughter. (I'll try.)
Because, though there is a void in my life, I know you wouldn't want it to be filled with tears.
Happy Father's Day!
I love you always, always.
Cannot see through my tears,
your bebushka ♥
...especially this Father's Day ♥){kind=link}
3 Comments
Thank you so much, 'Nang. I really, really miss Daddy...(sigh) :-(